We’ve got to be thinking when will this end? I know I am. So many burdens we are carrying. 2020 has been full of them. Quarantined, inequality issues, home-schooling, family, job searches, and more. To add to that list is the burden of carrying a dark hurt that no one sees. A hurt you can’t share, for fear when you do it will expose the truth about you. Have you ever processed such hurt that you can’t put into words? It feels like pure hell, and honestly, that description doesn’t give it justice. That alone feeling like everyone is against you. That feeling that everyone you thought loved you turned against you. Why would they do this? Why do you feel this way?
I have come to a realization about this type of pain. People don’t solve it. Shopping therapy doesn’t solve it. Even, the church doesn’t solve it. The only thing that solves and heals is the love of Jesus. His love is like a salve that heals the deepest wounds. I know it sounds simple. But it isn’t.
We don’t run to Him when we are broken. Instead, we look for people to heal us. If we can find someone to blame then we think we will feel better. If we can find someone to talk to that understands we will feel better. If we can find a friend who will take our side then we will feel better. Yes, it takes the pain away for a moment, and then with an urgency to kill you feel that deep ache in your soul.
Real pain needs a real healer.
My Journal
A healer who can understand, who can love you without taking sides, who can help you fight off the demons of mental illness, who can express His love in many ways that leave you knowing “You are loved.”
"How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 36:7
Listen to me, pain is real, and talking with someone can help but it doesn’t heal you. Healing comes from the pain-taker, Jesus. So when I find myself in that low place of blaming, crying, or just self-loathing the next best thing is to call on Jesus.
Ask him to heal you over and over. Ask Him to comfort you. One way I have seen this work in my life is by listing out my victories.
One day I wrote…“Didn’t cry for two days.” That’s a real victory sometimes. So even if it feels silly writing it down, that list can be a reminder that God is healing you one day at a time. Keep your head up and trust the healer. He will make things good, right, and beautiful.
RVN 
Victory in Jesus, one day at a time.