Jumping out of my mom’s car and walking into the room, is where the anxiety began. My young face looked normal like everyone else’s, my linked hand to my mom’s was evidence I was still too young to walk alone, and my backpack full of school supplies including my ‘Mickey Mouse pencils’ was just enough to let you know I was headed for my first day of Kindergarten.
I’m not sure if you remember your first day. Maybe it’s just a dim memory. For me this day was a day I’ll never forget. This is the story I reflect on many times when I start to look through the lens of my past and see how I’ve grown into the woman I am now. It’s the day where the anxiety of not pleasing others began.
A young boy next to me sitting in my class reached over and took one of my classic pencils. I’m pretty sure he didn’t borrow my pencil, because from my memory I lost sleep over that stolen pencil. My mom had helped me pick out my Mickey Mouse pencils and they were important to me. That night I tossed and turned as I tried to come up with a plan to get my pencil back. Would I tell the teacher? Would I steal one of his? Would I ask for it back? There were so many options. The option I settled on is the choice that as I reflect back I wish I hadn’t. So here it is. I did nothing! I let him keep, borrow, and use my pencil. It traumatized me that my pencil was now in his hands. ( I know I’m being a little overdramatic here)
Why do I share this story? This story reminds me of my people pleasing roots. Even as a young kindergartner I had a deep longing for everyone to like me, even if they took from me. Sadly many took from me over the next few years of my life.
Just a few weeks ago, as I was speaking at my church, and this statement came barreling out of my mouth. After I said it I knew it was straight from the heart of God.
God is writing our stories, therefore, don’t let anyone borrow your pen.
I said it, and after I left that day I thought about that very statement over and over again. God has a perfect plan (Jeremiah 29:11) to give us a hope and a future. He has a story to tell. We are His Masterpiece! ( Ephesians 2:10) But we many times let other people, other things and other feelings or emotions borrow our pens.
Just like the day the little boy took my pencil, that is what we do many times. We search for our definition in other things when we are children of God, we are royalty. (John 1:12) We have no business letting anyone or anything take over our pen! God is our “ghost writer.” He writes our stories and puts our name on the front cover! How AMAZING!
So how do we get our pen back?
- Be okay with who you are. Accept the wrongs you’ve made, the past you have, and the struggles you’re facing. Get up and move forward. (Job 33:26) Our true identity abides within the creator! (God)
- Let God have full control. Let him choose your career, your spouse, your choice of college, even your friends. Let him in on every area of your life. (Romans 8:8)
- Guard your heart. Many things and people will come and go, and they will make impacts on you. Keep God as the most impactful relationship you have. Have a healthy distance between you and anything that could rob you of who or what God has planned for your life. (Proverbs 4:23)
So don’t let anyone borrow your pencil! God has a story to write! Let Him.
RC
RVN 